


A Very Rather Unfortunate Tale

by JamesBestGirl



Series: Fortunate and Unfortunate Tales [2]
Category: Fanders, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13007487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesBestGirl/pseuds/JamesBestGirl
Summary: Roman has been left broken when Anxiety leaves them all...





	A Very Rather Unfortunate Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Suicide  
> mentions of slight self harm  
> Slightly graphic depiction of the suicide  
> self loathing
> 
> I'm sorry...

_My Dearest Virgil,_   
_My Emo Nightmare,_

_It's been two months now, I think about you every day, you're always on my mind._  
 _Everyone tells me it gets easier with time, yet with each passing day it gets harder and harder to drag myself_  
 _out of bed in the morning, to face the world even though I haven't left my room. Every day when I wake for a_  
 _brief moment I am fine, nothing happened and your just down the hall in your room sleeping or scrolling_   
_through Tumblr. Then the harsh reality sets in, leaving an empty pit in my stomach. Thomas misses you,_  
 _Logan and Patton as well._  
 _I was wrong all those months ago when I said that we would all be better off without you,_  
 _because without you we've been left broken, missing a part of us we had no idea we needed until it was too late._  
 _I just wish I could know what drove you to the point that you saw this as your only option._  
 _I can't help but think that it was what I said, those harsh words._   
_Things between us had been going so well and then I picked a fight with you over nothing, it was_   
_so unimportant that I can't even remember what it was about. But I can remember what I said though, the last words_   
_I ever spoke to you, "We're over, Anxiety" My harsh cold tone making the light in your eyes die out, I didn't even_  
 _have the courage to use your real name, I couldn't even look you in the eye._  
 _I hate myself for it, for ignoring you when you came to me, when you wanted my help._   
_If I had known then what I know now, that you would do what you did I would have made_  
 _amends, spent every night and every day with you to prevent it from ever even crossing your mind,_   
_but as usual I was too late to realize this._  
 _I'm so sorry Virgil, I miss you so damn much, I would do anything to get you back, to swap places with you._   
_You stole my heart, my Emo Nightmare and I don't think I will ever get it back._

_Yours always,_   
_Roman,_   
_Sir Sing-A-Lot_

 

Roman dropped his pen, tears running freely onto the page. He had decided to leave his room today for the first time since – since he had found his love, hanging from the ceiling in his room, a note on the floor nearby. He could remember the scream that filled his ears, unsure whether it was his own or Patton's. He remembered falling to his knees at the sight, Patton next to him holding him while he screamed and sobbed. Logan coming in and lowering his limp body down to the ground and confirming what they all already knew. Virgil was dead. He had lunged himself forward clinging to the body, shouting at him for doing this and himself for letting it happen. He sobbed, clutching Virgil's chest. He didn't know how long he spent there before Patton took him away to his room. He didn't know when he picked up the note. He still hadn't read it scared of what it would say, Virgil perhaps blaming him for his death. 

Roman pulled himself up from his chair and headed towards the door. His hand lingering over it before opening it. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror before he left, he was wearing all black, Virgil would have been proud, his hair was immaculate as usual but the dark circles under his eyes challenged Virgil's, _would have challenged his,_ he thought after. He walked out into the hallway stopping when he heard laughter come from the kitchen, he would have smiled but didn't have it in him to do so. He walked to the kitchen, the laughter stopped when he reached it. Logan and Patton looked at him like they had seen something so rare and so fragile that the slightest movement would spook it and it would never be seen again, like a deer in the head lights. They stood there in silence watching to see what Roman was going to do. He walked over to the table and took a seat, Patton turned back around to attend to the breakfast he was making, Logan returned to reading his book a thick silence falling around them. 

"How you doing, kiddo?" Patton asked while flipping some bacon, his question aimed at Roman. Roman thought about it, _Awful? Heartbroken? Empty? Lifeless?_

"I'm okay" Roman lied. Patton smiled, passing him a plate of food. Roman picked up his fork and pushed some of the food around before eating a small amount. 

"Thomas has been wanting to see you" Patton said, hoping that Roman would agree to come and see him with him. Roman nodded. 

"I'll see him today" He said with no emotion in his voice. Roman continued to eat his food before getting up to leave. 

"We're going to leave the mindscape to see him in half an hour" Logan piped up. Roman nodded before continuing back to his room. He got to his door before being drawn to Virgil's door. He opened it with a trembling hand. The door swung open and revealed a tidy room, Patton must have cleaned it up, he thought before stepping in. His phone was sitting on the night stand his desk tidy with a line of journals going from one end of his desk to the other. He walked over skimming a finger over the tops of them. Roman took a deep breathe, before walking over to his closet. He opened it and found it lined with a mix of black and purple hoodies and jumpers. He picked one out, the one he would usually see Virgil wearing, his favorite one. He brought it up to his nose and smelled it, _it still smelled like him_ , Roman thought. He put on the hoodie after taking his own off. He smiled for the first time in months, going and sitting down on Virgil's bed. He sat there until he heard someone stop by the door. Looking up he saw Patton, tears welling in his eyes. 

"Time to go?" Roman asked, Patton nodded and they both sank down to see Thomas. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

When he entered the 'Real' world he appeared in Virgil's spot instead of his own. He looked at Thomas, his eyes had widened as if he had seen a ghost. _Shit_. Roman thought, he looked just like Virgil of course Thomas would have thought he was seeing a ghost. 

"It's just me, Roman" He said to Thomas, he nodded before continuing to talk to Patton and Logan. He heard them discussing ideas for a video before they eventually decided that they should make a video for Anxiety to let the fans or 'Fanders' as the call themselves know about his death. Roman could tell that Thomas was different, he had no anxiety about anything no fears or worries although that was to be expected with the literal embodiment of Anxiety being dead. He could hear Logan talking about the new Anxiety. Roman's thoughts stopped and instead he listened. 

"I was doing some reading. Since Anxiety is no longer with us, it appears that within the next few weeks or months a new Anxiety should appear as he is being developed right now, however it will be a much, much younger version of him. He will only be a child." Logan said. Roman cringed at the thought. Could he really be replaced so easily, like it was nothing. Could they all just accept that and move on. They lost apart of themselves yet they seemed just as happy that that part of Thomas would be around again. Roman was happy for Thomas, he would be almost back to his normal self, but to Roman it just didn't seem right to replace him. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Roman decided he wasn't hungry that night and excused himself and went to go back to his room. Once again, he was drawn back to Virgil's room. He went in and shut the door. He walked over to the desk and picked up the journal labeled 1. He walked over to the bed and curled up in the covers and read the journal. He cried that night like he did every night before. 

After a few hours he woke up in Virgil's bed, he looked around the room and noticed a Ukulele sitting in the corner. _I didn't know Virgil like to play the ukulele_ , he thought. He walked over to it and started playing, at first random chords until he thought about the song Joan had written for Thomas, deciding to play that. 

"You can have the toaster And the PC   
Or even my Timothy Green DVD   
I'll let you have the couch   
And the TV   
Hang on to that jacket that you bought for me   
I don't really care   
You can keep the things we used to share   
But what did you do with my heart?   
What did you do with my heart?   
No more fireworks   
No more compass   
You didn’t leave a single butterfly in my stomach   
You took my spyglass--   
No knowin’ what lies ahead   
‘Took my warmth at night,   
But left a dent in my bed  
I don't really care   
You can keep the things we used to share   
But what did you do with my heart?   
What did you do with my heart?   
You've stripped me of my pride--   
That’s for the best,   
But you've also deprived me of a full night's rest   
So no more dreams   
Where we pull through   
And I can't collect my thoughts   
‘Cause they're still with you   
I don't really care   
You can keep the things we used to share   
But what did you do with my heart?   
What did you do with my heart?   
I wouldn't take it back   
Even though I feel sore   
I meant it when I said   
What's mine is yours   
But I need to know   
Now that we're apart   
What did you do   
I need to know   
Now that we're apart   
What did you do with my heart?   
What did you do with my heart?   
What did you do with my heart?   
What did you do with my heart?"

Tears flew down his face as he played the final chords. It was the first time he had sang in months. Every word of the song made him think about Virgil everything they had been through together and how quickly it had ended and how despite everything, Virgil did still have his heart and always would. He put the ukulele back down in its spot and left to go back to his room. What he didn't know was Patton had heard him singing and it had brought a smile to his face as it had been so long since he had heard him sing. He opened the door to his room and got lost in his thoughts again as he made his way back to his bed and hiding under the covers. He thought back to the conversations they had earlier about the new Anxiety, he thought about it and had different scenarios playing in his mind. It infuriated him that they could all move on yet he was stuck. He hated Logan and Patton for being able to move on so easily. He hated Virgil for leaving him, but most of all he hated himself for letting this all happen. 

What Roman didn't know was that they hadn't moved on at all. Patton still saw shadows of what he thought was Virgil, he would still cry himself to sleep every night blaming himself for what happened. He didn't know that Logan hadn't slept much in the last two months fearing the nightmares that plagued him every time he shut his eyes, visions of Virgil still hanging there. He also didn't know that despite Thomas looking happy and almost fine, he hadn't eaten in weeks and couldn't stop thinking about the part of his personality that he had lost. He didn’t know that they all blamed themselves for what happened. And finally, he didn't know that he wasn't the only one that made a promise that night. A promise to Virgil and this new child to love and care for them and make sure that they never thought that death would be the only option, that it even was option. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**The Note**

_Roman, Logan, Patton and Thomas,_

_I'm sorry that I have done this, but I find that this is the only way to escape the pain of living._  
 _I beg you not to blame yourselves for this as I am the only one to blame._  
 _I have been thinking about this for the past couple of years and although it did get better over the last year_  
 _and these thoughts were not appearing in my head as often anymore, but I was stupid and ruined my chances_  
 _with Princey, I hurt him. I want to stop hurting you all and this is how I can. I love all of you despite the fact that I may not_   
_show it, and I love you so much Sir Sing-A-Lot, I always have and I always will. This is for the best._

_Goodbye,_   
_Virgil._

**Author's Note:**

> I understand if you hate me for writing this but it had to be written otherwise it would be going around my head until i did. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments I will reply to all.


End file.
